If You’ve Ever Tried to Leave a Michigan Gathering, You Know This Struggle

The "Michigan goodbye"... If there was an Olympic event for saying goodbye, I think Michiganders would sweep every winning position. Gold, silver, and bronze medals all going to those brave souls who tried to leave an event or family gathering at a reasonable time only to spend the next 45 minutes unsuccessfully trying to leave.

It happened to me just the other day. We dropped off our toddler to spend some time with her grandparents, and forget the fact that we spent two hours chatting and catching up; it also took 45 minutes to finish the walk from the couch to the car door.

What Exactly Is a Michigan Goodbye?

Because in Michigan, saying goodbye isn't a one-and-done action—it's a WHOLE process. A long, winding, deeply emotional process that involves several hugs, a quick stop to use the bathroom, running back inside to grab the Tupperware of leftovers you forgot, and then one more hug.

The Five Stages of Saying Goodbye in Michigan

If you think you're immune to the "Michigan goodbye", see if this series of events sounds familiar:

Step 1: The Goodbye Announcement

Don't get confused, you're not actually saying goodbye yet. The announcement is when someone slaps their thighs, stands up, and says, "Well, we should probably get going." Congratulations! You've kicked off this 45-minute long process.

Step 2: The Gathering

You're getting your coat, your purse, and your leftovers (and if you have kids, all their stuff too) together and start getting ready to leave.

Step 3: The Coat Conundrum

You've done it: You've got all your stuff, including the leftovers, and you've got your coat on. But, putting on the coat was probably wishful thinking, because now you're stopped by the front door sweating to death while your Aunt Betsy chats your ear off. Hopefully, she'll need her wine glass refilled and she'll finally let you leave to go do that.

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Step 4: The Driveway Shuffle

You've finally made it out the front door and you can feel the fresh air smack you in the face. But, that smile quickly turns to frown when you realize your cousin parked right behind you and you have to get them to move their car. This means braving the throngs of family members once again...

Step 5: The Getaway

You've made it behind the wheel of your vehicle. Granted, the leftovers might be fogging up your windows and your social battery has been running on fumes for the last hour, but you've made it! Now to go home and do it all again in a couple of months...

If you've never been part of the Michigan goodbye before, perhaps count yourself lucky, because it's very time-consuming. Otherwise, consider yourself lucky if you get out the door in less than 40 minutes.