Moments in Michigan That Make Your Soul Leave Your Body
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You've been there. It's dark, you're on the highway (obeying the speed limit of course), you're paying attention but you're also putting together your shopping list in your head, when all of a sudden two shiny dots appear. Those are eyes, it's a dear, in your lane, and you have moments to react. It's at this point that your soul calls it a day, leaves your body, and climbs back into your bed while your now color free corpse is left with only pure instinct to maneuver out of this perilous situation.
Often times you'll have to pull over after such a traumatic incident. There you are, with your hands gripping the steering wheel, staring straight forward, not blinking, and saying things to yourself like "What the....", "Where did...", "@%&#". Then, 20 minutes later, you've reached your destination and the momentary adrenaline rush you experienced only moments ago doesn't even register as anything significant. Why? Because it happens to Michiganders so often it's just another day in the Mitten.
Here are more "Michigan Moments" that will make your spiritual essence leave your body:
The "Rethink Your Life" Snow Skid
Guardrails, trees, small farm animals, fence posts...they all seem much larger and more dangerous when they are whipping by your windshield as you rotate 360 degrees wondering where this Wheel of Fortune car spin will land: Free Spin, Lose a Turn, Eternal Vacation?
Why is it that when you stop spinning you always seem to facing the object that COULD have killed you?
Michigan Crawlspace Companions
Michigan crawlspaces are often dark with dirt floors, so a flashlight or headlamp may be needed. When your artificial beam of light scans the seemingly cavernous area in front of you and lands on the glowing eyes of a cornered racoon you remember that man was not meant to flee on all fours. Advantage racoon. Some will say they are more scared of you than you are of them, they are liars who have never been nose to nose with a giant masked rodent. You ever seen a trash panda in attack mode? Imagine fleeing it while wearing a headlamp and trying to make things right with your maker.
It should be noted that spiders, bugs, centipedes, mice and oddly shaped shadows will have a similar effect.
Is That Seaweed or a Snake?
Like snakes? Do you enjoy when they sneak up on you on land? What about when your in your bathing suit, completely exposed in open water and one of these nope ropes decides to swim up to say hi. There you are, floating helplessly, nose to tongue with a curious serpent. Again, some say they are more frightened of you than you are of them, but you still somehow become divinely inspired, rise to the surface, where you are able to walk, nay, run on water away from the otherwise harmless creature.
It should once again be noted that a branch, stick, piece of grass, or a piece of seaweed will also result in most folks reacting the same way.
Storm on the Water, Lightening in the Sky
It's a beautiful day on the water. You're in your aluminum row boat enjoying a quiet moment watching a bobber bounce slowly with the waves and waiting for it to plunge into the depths so you can real in your next fish story. Then you start to feel the hair on the back of your neck start to rise, you instinctually look to the horizon and see a cloud bank with nasty intentions heading your way. The moment you realize you are surrounded by the natures best conductor of electricity and you are at least 10 minutes from shore is Pure Michigan Terror. Best to check the forecast before rowing out, but as you know, Michigan can change it's meteorological mind on a whim.