Colossal Labs, Cloned Wolves, and One Nerd’s Mild Panic

NERD ALERT

If you’re a fan of Game of Thrones or Dungeons & Dragons, then I’m sure you are aware of the Dire Wolf. As I am a big ole nerd, I am familiar with both, but if you’re not, the D&D version is described by roleplayinglab.com as “...a giant, ancient wolf that grows to almost 9 feet...fierce...heavily muscled...very fast and agile, able to run down prey with ease.” The GOT Stark clan Dire Wolves we witnessed on screen lived up to that description. But, according to experts, true Dire Wolves of the late Pleistocene epoch, wouldn't have been as scary...maybe.

Scientists say that Aenocyon dirus were about the same size of a large gray wolf (Canis Lupus)—around 4 feet from nose to tail, three feet tall at the shoulder, with a healthy male weighing in at around 150 pounds. In other words, the Dire Wolves found 10,000 years ago were as big as the wolves that live in Michigan. While Michigan is home to about 760 wolves, there are currently only three in the world that can be called Dire Wolves. 

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GOTTA LOVE THE NAMES

Romulus, Remus, and Khaleesi are Dire Wolves that have been engineered in Colossal Labs. The lab is fighting “...to preserve and restore Earth’s diminishing biodiversity...”. They also are working on “cloned” versions of the Wooly Mammoth, Dodo Bird, and Tasmanian Tiger. Apparently, someone only watched the first 62 minutes of the first Jurassic Park. 

Ecological (can the planet handle this? Because there’s a reason they went extinct!), ethical (are we playing God...again?!), and moral concerns (instead of spending billions on resuscitating extinct animals, how about we put that money towards saving the ones we still have?!) aside, I find it mind-boggling these formerly extinct wolf pups are roaming a 2,000-acre ecological preserve in a secret location.

SEE ALSO: The Wolves of Michigan

REALLY? 

But are they really Dire Wolves? The lab that hatched the pups will tell you that the trio aren’t a 100% genetic match to Aenocyon dirus, but they are the closest the planet has seen since the species went extinct 10,000 years ago. And come on, those are some cute critters...and you know you wanted one when the Starks were passing them out.  

I’m not sure what Colossal Labs end game is, but it’s a good bet we won’t be seeing any dire wolves in Michigan, or ANYWHERE beyond that secret preserve anytime soon. Hey @itiscolossal, can we maybe find some dragon DNA somewhere? Please?