Enough With the Anarchy at the Sam’s Club Gas Pumps!

There are a couple reasons why I love getting gas at Sam's Club in Lansing - 1) the price is typically at least 20 cents a gallon lower than anywhere else; and 2) I can pay with my phone.

There are a couple reasons why I hate getting gas at Sam's Club in Lansing - 1) the lines are usually long; and 2) I despise gas pump anarchists!

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I can't be entirely sure as to the cause of the gas pump anarchy at Sam's Club in Lansing, but I figure it's probably a combination of these things:

• People who don't know which side of their car the gas tank is on;
• People who don't understand the intended traffic flow at the Sam's Club pumps;
• People who don't care about the intended traffic flow at the Sam's Club pumps, and think their time is more valuable than everyone else's.

If you're among that last group, the rest of this article won't help you. Also, I hope a bird takes a dump on your car 30 seconds after you wash it.

For those who may be accidental anarchists, please read on.

What Side of My Car Is My Gas Tank On?

Sometimes it can be hard to recall which side of a particular car your gas tank's on, especially if you drive multiple vehicles.

Most newer cars put a cheat-sheet right there on your dashboard. Take a look at your gas gauge and see if there's a little arrow beside the gas pump icon.

The image above indicates this vehicle's gas tank is on its left side. This means you should position your car at the pumps so that the gas pump is also on the left side of your vehicle.

The next image shows an example of a vehicle which has its gas tank on the right side. In this case, the driver should position the vehicle so that the gas pump is also on the right side.

Why is this important? If you pull up to the wrong side of the pump, you're forcing yourself to try to stretch the gas pump hose either over or behind your car to get to the other side your vehicle. This increases the likelihood of a mishap that could spew gasoline everywhere, plus you look like a moron.

Then there are the motorists who know exactly which side of the car their gas tank is on, but purposely choose to pull up to the wrong side because the line is shorter. These people are anarchists, and believe their time is more valuable than others'. They are easily identified by their smugness and the quickness with which they whip the gas hose over their vehicle (they've done this before).

The Flow of Traffic at the Sam's Club Pumps in Lansing

Sam's Club bears part of the blame for this problem, as many of the pavement arrows directing the intended flow of traffic are faint and worn.

It's pretty simple though, really. All vehicles are meant to enter the pump area from the same direction, then exit to the right.

Ironic, but not surprising, that GoogleMaps screengrabs from the pumps at Sam's Club in Lansing would demonstrate exactly what I'm talking about.

Notice how neat and orderly most of the cars above look as they're waiting their turns to get gas? All except that yahoo on the far left.

What is the driver of this van even thinking?

Don't be the anarchist motorist in the van or minivan nearest the red arrows.

1. You're taking up spots intended for vehicles with gas caps on the right side.
2. When you're done pumping, you've positioned yourself to fight oncoming traffic as you attempt to exit. You're basically driving the wrong way down a one-way street (see below).
3. Wait in line for a left-side pump like everyone else. Stop being a jerk.

Exiting the Pumps at Sam's Club in Lansing

There's a very neat and orderly way to exit the gas pumps after fueling up at Sam's Club in Lansing.

If you turn left, like the motorist indicated above with the red arrow has, you end up fighting oncoming traffic.

Simply turn right, and you'll be able to exit via the lane that was designed for just that!

Check it out! Everybody can exit the same direction, and no one drives into oncoming traffic! Brilliant!

It couldn't be easier.

Please share this handy-dandy tutorial with anyone you know who fuels up at Sam's Club in Lansing.

Again, Sam's could repaint the arrows - maybe that would help. But who knows.

I hear Costco doesn't have this problem.

*Note: Anyone who tries to excuse the behavior of any motorist indicated above by a red arrow is a self-admitted anarchist.