5 Ways to Tell If You’re an Awful Michigander
It's a pretty safe bet that most of us in Michigan like to think of ourselves as kind, generous, and helpful people. By and large, we're polite and try to treat others how we'd like to be treated.
But then there are the awful Michiganders.
The awful Michiganders are the ones who obviously care only about themselves, and can't be bothered by what our elders might call "common courtesy".
Are you an "awful Michigander"? Here are five ways to tell.
The Michigander Who Won't Return Their Cart at Meijer
Few things are more infuriating than those who refuse to return their shopping carts to a cart corral in the parking lot.
Common excuses include inclement weather (suck it up, you live in Michigan), distance to the cart corral (nothing compared to how much you just walked up and down the aisles inside Meijer), or "my kids are in the car" (activate the child locks and lock them inside for the 90 seconds it takes you to return the cart). Others may blame personal physical limitations. Then there are those who attempt to self-condone their behavior by telling themselves and anyone who'll listen that they are giving the cart attendant something to do.
Just stop. If you can't handle being a polite and cart-returning member of society, we live in a day and age where you don't even have to go the store anymore. Order your necessities through an app or online and have them delivered to you. Failure to return your shopping cart makes you an awful Michigander.
The Michigander Who Takes Up Two (or More) Parking Spots
When the average Michigander sees a vehicle taking up more than one parking spot, we think one of two things: either 1) that person doesn't know how to park; or 2) that person clearly thinks they're better than everybody else.
If you park similarly to the photo above, you fall in one of those two categories. If you don't know how to park within the lines, perhaps it's time to consider whether you should be driving that vehicle. If your reason for parking like this is that you don't want someone else's car dinging your precious baby, then you either need to park in a space far, far away, (where no one else is), or make the choice to purchase another daily driver that allows you to comply with societal norms.
If you park like this, you're an awful Michigander.
The Michigander Who Yells at People Just Trying to Do Their Job
We've all heard the anecdotes about assaulted flight attendants and teenage fast food workers reduced to tears by an entitled customer whose order may or may not have been wrong.
Everybody has the occasional bad day. There's no excuse for uncivility. No one has a right to take out their frustrations on someone else.
If you yell at someone who's simply trying to do their job, you're an awful Michigander.
The Michigander Who Returns Unwanted Items to Random Places in the Store
So you put an item in your cart at Kroger, then a few sections later (or maybe even aisles), you found something else you'd prefer. Do you put the first item back where you got it? Or do you just leave the unwanted item on a shelf wherever you are when you make that decision? There's only one correct answer. No harm in changing one's mind. Put it back where you got it.
If you leave your unwanted items at random places in a store, you're an awful Michigander.
The Michigander Who Can't/Won't Say Thank You
As you're exiting Quality Dairy, someone else is strolling up. Do you hold the door open for them? Nice! Mama taught you well. Let's say you're the one walking in, and someone else holds the door open for you. Do you thank them?
If you allow someone to hold a door open for you but you neglect to utter a word of thanks, you're an awful Michigander.
How'd You Do?
Did you ace our impromptu quiz? Are you a fine, upstanding citizen? Great!
Or... did you find yourself making excuses for your behavior? If that's the case, it might be time for a real self-examination.
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