5 Things Michigan Can’t Handle

If an inch of snow falls in Nashville, the whole city shuts down like it's the apocalypse. We see that and feel a bit morally superior because we've been driving through snow since we got our license.

But if we really take a look at ourselves and be honest—Michigan isn't the all-terrain, all-weather, prepared like a Boy Scout state we pretend to be.

We have some weaknesses. Big ones.

Things Michigan is Not Prepared to Handle

Zipper Merging

Other states consider it a simple traffic maneuver. Michigan considers it a moral failing and takes it so personally. There's always someone who appoints themselves the "Merge Sheriff," blocks both lanes, and takes it personally when you correctly use the open lane.

READ ALSO: Michigan’s Most Pun-tastic MDOT Snowplow Names

Extreme Heat

Any temperature above 85 degrees and suddenly nobody can function. Our air conditioners struggle to keep up, and humidity turns us into puddles. We're built for hoodies and football weather, not sunburns and stifling humidity.

Ice Storms

Snow? We've got that covered. Ice? That's a different beast. It's unpredictable. A thick layer of ice on the power lines and half the state is out of power and wandering around Meijer to warm up.

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Major Earthquakes

If the earth shook here, there's no way anyone would know what to do to stay safe. We'd assume a truck hit the building, post "Did anyone else feel that?" on Facebook, and wait for someone's uncle to explain that it was caused by windmills.

Actual Mountains

We call anything taller than a parking garage a "hill" and immediately underestimate it. If you put us in Colorado, half the state would try to cross a mountain pass with bald tires and typical Midwestern overconfidence.

Michigan is tough. We survive the winter. We're comfortable in flannel. We've mastered potholes. But let's not pretend we're prepared for everything. We're strong, not invincible, and there's a difference. Stay warm out there.