Justin Bieber and Paris Hilton In Michigan – Shelter in Place
Ladies and gentlemen - I'm sure Gov. Whitmer will be holding a press conference at any minute to inform the public, but I've just received word that celebrities Paris Hilton and Justin Bieber have been sighted in Michigan and may still be here. While there's no physical danger to you, if you get too close, you may be lured into a life of selfies and hair gel - with no way out.
According to MLive.com, on July 30th, Mr. Bieber (or "The Biebs") and (we believe) his wife Hailey, stayed at Harbortown RV Resort off I-75 in Monroe County, "on his way to Mackinac". Is he still there? Where did they stay? Did they rent bikes and buy fudge? We have no further information at this time. Here's the official report. (Be advised - he's Canadian and may be searching for a way to get over the border and find some good poutine) If you encounter Mr. Bieber, do NOT be swayed by his claim, "I'm friends with country music superstars Dan+Shay."
Meanwhile, socialite and DJ, Paris Hilton, is almost definitely still "Up North". According to the Detroit Free Press, she is spending time on a lake with her boyfriend and wearing "M-22" gear. This is much more sneaky as she has certainly now blended in with everyone who's ever gone "Up North". If you do approach Ms Hilton, be advised - you could end up in a selfie, which will live on the internet forever. So, comb your hair.