Unhinged Holiday Comebacks for Every Nosy Family Question

The holidays are meant to be a delightful and merry time, filled with love, laughter, and great company. However, all those cozy vibes can be dashed the moment the awkward holiday interrogation begins.

One second you're having a nice chat with your Aunt Betsy, then all of a sudden she decides to open her mouth to ask one of the most cringeworthy questions ever: "So, are you dating anyone?"

Why Do Families Ask Such Awkward Holiday Questions?

Maybe your Aunt Betsy doesn't mean anything by it (or maybe she does), but regardless, it's still an awkward question.

So, as your bestie who doesn't mind stirring the pot a little bit with annoying family members who try to awkwardly pry into your life, I've decided to help you out a bit.

Cheeky Comebacks for the Most Common Holiday Questions

Check out the list below to see some of the cheekiest and most unhinged responses you can give to those cringeworthy questions that come up this holiday season.

Are you dating anyone?

• "No, the last time I used Tinder I got matched with Uncle Jim"
• "Am I dating anyone? No, I'm dating seven people."

When are you getting married?

• "When all the planets align so I can cast my spell."
• "I'm currently married to seasonal depression, thank you very much."

When are you having kids?

• "I can't even keep a house plant alive, what makes you think I can keep a tiny human alive?"
• "When Michigan stops having potholes."

Your first kid needs a friend, aren't you going to have another baby?

• "As soon as you front the money for the childbirth, essentials for the first 18 years of their life, and pay for whatever kind of secondary education they want."
• "Why? Their imaginary friend seems to be working just fine."

Are you really getting seconds?

• "Are you really having a second bottle of wine?"
• "Yes. And thirds. And a to-go container. Mind your business."

Have you put on weight?

• “Thanks for noticing! I’ve been bulking for hibernation season.”
• "Not as much as you it seems."

You're not drinking, how come?

• "Because Aunt Betsy drank all the wine."
• "Oh, I'm drinking—just not what you think."

Have you lost weight?

• "I did lose it somewhere, but I figured I'd find it today with all the food."
• "Yeah, turns out anxiety is a great weight loss plan."