That Time Being a Dolly Fan Landed Me on My Back in a Stranger’s Yard

I think it's safe to say we were all thrown for a loop by the news of the passing of Dolly Parton.

Kinda felt like she'd be around forever. Kinda felt like we needed her to be. But that's not the way it works.

Dolly Parton indirectly caused me to experience one of my craziest childhood injuries. (Photo via Kevin Winter, Getty Images)

Dolly Parton was already a household name before I was born. I don't recall a time without her music. I remember some of her movies as a kid, and learning later about how generous a philanthropist she was.

I Was a Dolly Parton Fan Before I Really Knew Who Dolly Was

I counted myself as a Dolly fan as early as elementary school. And there was one time in third grade that being a Dolly fan landed me on my back in a stranger's yard with a huge welt across my forehead.

Maybe I should explain that.

I'm dating myself here, but Dolly's "9 to 5" was a current single around Christmastime the year I was in third grade. I loved that song. I'd ask my mom to crank it up every time it came on, and she always obliged.

How Dolly Parton’s ‘9 to 5’ Nearly Made Me Miss the Bus

One particular morning, those familiar notes started flowing out of our kitchen radio just as I was about to head out the door to the school bus stop. If my mom would let me listen to my song before I left, I promised I would run so I wouldn't miss my bus. She allowed it... I jammed for about two and a half minutes... then took off out the door as fast as I could — happy as could be.

Then I Made One Very Bad Decision

The school bus stop was about a tenth of a mile from where we lived. Rather than stay on the paved road the whole way, I decided to cut across the neighbor's corner lot to save some time. That choice is what I would ultimately regret.

I'd like to think Dolly would have warned me before I clotheslined myself. (Photos via Canva and Getty Images North America)

Maybe it was because I was focused on running and not missing my bus. Maybe it was because I was running toward the sunrise and I was blinded.

READ MORE: The Health Issues That Sidelined Dolly Parton in the Months Before Her Death

I never saw the guy wire anchoring that neighbor's utility pole. I took it straight across the forehead at full speed, and it laid me out flat on my back. I could feel my forehead swelling and I burst into tears.

For the record, I did miss my bus.

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I staggered back home and (between sobs) told my mom what had happened. She got me an ice pack and soothed away my worries. I had a pretty good bruise that lasted for a few days.

Thanks for the Memories, Dolly — Well, Most of Them

I never blamed Ms. Parton... but if it weren't for that catchy damn song I wouldn't have clotheslined myself.

Thanks for the memories, Dolly. At least, most of them.