If you've ever accidentally eaten mold, just know you're not alone.

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About a week ago, I bought some apple turnovers that were priced to sell. The packaging included a "sell by" date, which I did not realize is apparently meant to be an "eat these before time runs out or they'll try to kill you" date.

Photo via JR, Townsquare Media Lansing
Photo via JR, Townsquare Media Lansing

Had a couple of the turnovers the day I purchased them, and they were delicious. Devoured another around midweek with no problem. It was the final turnover that tried to murder me.

My sweet tooth hit Saturday. I checked the refrigerator for a snack; nothing interested me. Peered into the cupboards; nothing there either. That's when I spotted that last lonely turnover in the package on the counter. Perfect! (Or so it would have me believe.)

It wasn't petrified, so I considered that to be a good sign. Nothing outwardly alerted me of any spoilage. I was about halfway through the thing when I glanced down and saw this:

Photo via JR, Townsquare Media Lansing
Photo via JR, Townsquare Media Lansing

Let me tell you something. Nothing will get your appetite under control more quickly than realizing you've been snacking on some nice furry mold.

This may surprise you, but I did not eat the rest of it. I brushed my teeth and gums and tongue and tonsils and everything else my toothbrush could reach and I was done.

Now, I feel like I've lived long enough to know this could happen. I was surprised nonetheless.

My friend Velda G. said:

They're almost a week old. Pastries with fruit or pastries period should be eaten right away or frozen/refrigerated. That moisture will quickly mold.

Call me crazy, but anytime I've purchased a pastry (with fruit or not), I've taken my cues from the store as to what should be done with it when I get it home. If I bought it from a refrigerated case, I refrigerated it. If it was sold at room temp, then that's how I stored it at home too. Sometimes products caution you to refrigerate them after opening. These betraying turnovers offered no such warning. They simply waited on my kitchen counter like a big puff pastry petri dish, yearning for the perfect moment to pounce and disgust me.

My friend Jacob H. offered this observation:

At least you know they’re natural.

Yeah, thanks for that. No preservatives! Yippee.

But Annie D. summed it up best:

This is the kinda s!@# that leads to trust issues.

Amen, sister.

I don't know how you blue cheese people do it.

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