Not A Good Idea
I'm not one to give unsolicited advice.
However, let me at least make one seasonal suggestion.
When you're at the checkout line with a bunch of gifts and the cashier asks you to "Swipe the card, please"...
Don't reply, "Swipe the card, how do you think I got it in the first place?"
That joke caused quite an unfortunate ruckus at the store earlier today.